To repeat the first paragraph from my last, related post: On my first full day in Colorado, my sister Kathy and I went to Boulder for different healing sessions. First I went to visit my dream-group friend DeeDee for a foot-reflexology treatment, then to Kathy’s boss, Gloria, for a “subtle-energies” healing (of chi flow through my chakras). I told both of them of my exaggerated fears about going public with spiritual explorations for inner growth in a place that I perceive as having a preponderance of fundamentalist-style Christians.
Today I could feel Gloria’s energy stronger than ever, as her hands moved over my head and body. Once again, the healing session seemed to take only a few brief minutes, although I felt wide-awake throughout. When Gloria had finished and given me a cup of water, she asked me where my North Node is? Say, what? It took me a moment to catch on to the astrological reference. Don’t tell my astrologer, Anand! Oh, THAT North Node, my main focus on my astrological chart! I had to think a moment; wow, I haven’t thought in astrological terms for two months! Weird—I HAVE been busy!
My lunar North Node (soul’s goal for this life) is in
Capricorn (structure & discipline), which is in my
12th House (the unconscious and connection to the Divine).
My Mars (personal power) and Chiron (emotional wound) are also there in case I missed the significance. AND, for extra emphasis, for those of you with an astrological background, my 12th House is also the “handle” of my “bucket” chart pattern. AAAUUGH!!!
In sum, the 12th House is the most important part of MY chart. Unless and until I discover, uncover, and heal my personal power, which was and is still to some extent squelched into the depths of my subconscious, I cannot accomplish much of the promise and potential indicated in the rest of my chart.
Presumably, my emotional wounding (Chiron) is due to my feelings of being unloved and unlovable as a newborn through school years. (In my last post on DeeDee’s pendulum session I wrote about a negative feedback energy loop with my mother.) Both my parents came from–and extended to me–an unexpressive, detached, compensatingly-cerebral family organization. None of the three of us felt valued, much less valuable and powerful, as children. (My father also had his personal power (Mars) buried in his 12th House. We all have North Nodes in different houses, although both my parents had theirs in Taurus.)
So, Gloria pointed out and reminded me to think of my soul’s goal for this life (North Node). Since it is in my 12th House, my ultimate focus is on the unconscious and my connection with the Divine. Since Chiron the Wounded Healer indicates where I must heal first, then teach, I am apparently meant to unbury and activate my personal power (Mars), thereby healing it and then teaching others similarly wounded how to heal themselves, connect with their subconscious and therefore the Divine.
Capricorn ruling my 12th House shows that, to accomplish my soul’s goal, I will also require much discipline and structure—not my forte, I’m afraid. Oh well, I CAN be quite organized. In many ways I am well organized. But to GET organized is stressful. To build structure from the foundation up is my challenge here I suspect. Uh-oh. Oh well, choose one beautiful stone and lay it down. Pick another, install it. Repeat. One baby stepping stone at a time will eventually build a good foundation, then a building. I KNEW all that geology from college would come in handy someday!
Gloria also reminded me to think about the opposite side of my chart. The lunar South Node shows the accumulated strengths I came to this life with, to help me attain my North Node goal. The South Node is in Cancer and my 6th House of Daily Service/Work and Health. Hmm, I am blessed with hearty health, energy, and diligent work ethic. That would come in handy with any goals, so I am well blessed there.
Cancer the Crab ruling my 6th House shows me two things. One, the focus of my daily life is to nurture, support and protect others. I’m on it–my own children, my reading students, my father, and my tai chi and numerology students next. Two, I come by retreating into my protective shell naturally when frightened. Good thing I’ve got great, supportive family & friends, good research skills for disarming fear, and also the astrological planet Uranus to protect me when I’m exposed outside in the open.
Wow, I had forgotten about Uranus in my 6th House! There is the Universe’s support for exposing my personal uniqueness to public vulnerability. Uranus is all about individuality, uniqueness, and innovation. Woo hoo—I’m supposed to be “different” in my everyday service—go ahead and be an outlier, with the Universe’s blessing!
Well, Anand, did I tie it together coherently? You gave me a lot more details, involving the rest of my chart a couple of years ago. But I want here to just look at the part about my recent over-the-top fears about getting newly metaphysical in my old home. Fascinating.