Three books for rebuilding my confidence in my plan to work at helping others find their inner self and purpose in life.

I have been in a continual crisis of confidence for weeks. For therapy, I have been listening to some favorite audiobooks and attended a motivational lecture.

The problem is with my ego and/or my wounded inner child. I am irrationally afraid of public rejection and humiliation, and all my cold logic cannot defuse the fear. I have lost my center and have had to go back to old references to remind myself WHY self exploration and expansion is so important to more than my own curiosity.

Listening again to Louise Hay’s The Power Is Within You audiobook was a perfect start. She guided me through noticing my negative self-talk and how to change it to higher energy. She is quite convincing that anyone’s best way to improve their world is to learn to love oneself the way one IS, and then grow from there. I hope to similarly help others learn to understand and love themselves, too. That sounds worthwhile to me; why am I so nervous about it?  Louise Hay helped me figure out that my inner child is loathe to leave my hard-won comfortable “old” social identity. My inner child remembers how it feels to be rejected, to be a misfit. She does not want to go there again!

Now I am savoring listening to Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth again. Definitely, it is my EGO that is unwilling to risk losing social stature. My old role fit me so well, why abandon it? Well, equating my lowly ego and my holy inner child is quite a shock! They are not usually in agreement. I feel outvoted!

David came across a super solution for me, happening tonight. One of his old hobbies, the university’s Northern Leadership Center, was hosting a motivational speaker and his hot-off-the-press book: Jia Jiang’s and his Rejection Proof, How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection. Perfect! He was a fantastic speaker, as well. Once again, I had to face the fact that I am afraid and projecting my fears onto others, undeservedly. Jia Jiang went in search of rejection and discovered that people were mostly very kind. In other words, he discovered that anticipated rejection is much worse than actual rejection. I know that—intellectually! (His experiences are recorded on a video blog, http://fearbuster.com/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/.)

After the lecture I went home and finished up the course description and tentative syllabus for my proposed numerology/tarot class that the university’s Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) is a bit leery about. I DID submit it, by email, in the middle of the night.  I then went to meet the program director, Sarah, in person the next morning. I have committed myself. Now I will leave it up to the Universe.  (But wish me luck, anyway, will you?)