My crisis of confidence has two issues: (1) WHY to focus on my own inner self and development is important to the community, justifying all my time and effort, and (2) HOW to cope with my fear of being so out of alignment with my perception of society’s expectations.

Three books for rebuilding my confidence in my plan to work at helping others find their inner self and purpose in life.

My first line of defense is always research. Once back in Fairbanks I could again listen to my small collection of self-help/spiritual audiobooks, on my 20-minute commute back and forth between home and the tai chi studio. I read hardcopy books while eating alone, inspirational items sent to me on Facebook, and discuss my issues by Skype with my sister and email other friends and family. I visit some supportive neighbors and have attended two lectures. Even my birthday tarot spread was full of helpful advice.

My inspiring audiobooks so far include, chronologically: Deepak Chopra’s Peace is the Way, 2005; Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, 2005; Louise Hay’s The Power Is Within You, 2004; Byron Katie’s Your Inner Awakening, 2006; Wayne Dyer & Marianne Williamson’s Advancing Your Spirit, 2008; Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love, 1992; and now I’m working my way through selections from the Hay House World Summit 2015, a collection of 100 CDs I don’t know how to reference. (I started listening to the hour-long interviews focused on understanding and coping with fear, and now I am working through the interviews on developing intuition and using it to help others come to understand and love themselves.)

A COURSE IN MIRACLES (ACIM)

Resuming frequent reading from A Course in Miracles (ACIM) with my sister, Kathy, and re-listening to my old audiobooks soon reminded me why I’ve turned onto a new path in such a different direction. As we’ve all heard from many sources all through life, LOVE is THE answer—to all problems. Love your neighbors (ALL of them?!?) as your self sounds nice but is not quite the way of our world!

Love begins with learning to love one’s own self. To love one’s self, one must understand one’s self, delving down into the subconscious material and personal past as well. The better one understands one’s self, the more one is able to forgive and come to love one’s self. After that, one is better able to develop understanding and compassion toward other people, in ever-expanding circles, improving the emotional environment throughout one’s circle of influence.

As the opposite of love, fear is actually a desperate call for love. Fear is the perceived absence of love. This is the basis for A Course in Miracles and is a recurring theme in about every book I read, ALL the soul school and spiritual books—and even the Regency romances and science fiction fantasies! Think about how many problems YOU KNOW of, personally, that were founded on misunderstandings, misperceptions. It happens all the time, even more than we can imagine, according to all my research materials.

Tai chi, my numerology class & project, birthday tarot spread, and two recent lectures worked wonders on calming my terror down to nervousness. I wrote about tai chi yesterday, the tarot spread a week ago, and the numerology project last month.

My most potent fear-soothers are Jia Jiang’s lecture and book, Rejection Proof, How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection, which I wrote about in my first “Crisis of Confidence” category/post at the end of April; all three of Brené Brown’s books on cultural shaming and resultant vulnerability; and listening to Gloria Steinem on Friday 19 June 2015, when she spoke in Fairbanks!

I stumbled across Brené Brown books this past winter. I was so impressed by her middle book, The Gifts of Imperfection, that I bought her first book, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), about the ways our socialization process controls and limits us through shaming. I recently bought her newest book, just perfect for my current crisis of confidence, Daring Greatly. Wow! Wow! I swear she wrote this new book directly for me, it is so tailored to my needs! I’m only a quarter of the way through it so far, but she assures me that my tentative “baby steps” are a good starting approach to reclaiming my self and my personal power.

Gloria Steinem gave a delightfully personable talk about her iconic activism over time. Her focus on freeing oppressed/suppressed subgroups of society was inspirational and powerful. However, what I keyed into most was her remembering how scary it was to speak out on those issues when she was getting started. She found like-minded people, who supported each other through the process, and kept prodding the public to upgrade society to its idealistic tenets in the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights. And then she said that, after being scared so much for so long, that NOT being scared felt kind of boring! Oh wow. I am so glad I’m not THAT scared!