Today and tomorrow are dedicated to an intense weekend of self-exploration, with the intent of pushing past multiple layers of consciousness and getting down to the very core of oneself.

I signed up through the Chakra Healing Arts Center outside Boulder, Colorado. I have taken a few classes there and one other workshop last fall held at the Golden, Colorado branch. They are two branches of a local group offering “a modernized version of the ancient Korean Taoist practice of SunDo…a system of mind-body training—including various exercises, breathwork, meditation and intuitive development—designed to optimize the energy system of an individual, leading to health, connection, and confidence on the physical, emotional, and spiritual levels.”

The Finding True Self workshop is offered monthly for the region, and is held at the Littleton branch. I stayed in a hotel for the duration, since it is a long drive from Nederland. Thank Heaven! As I expected, the intensity was exhausting and made worse by both days being extremely long. I brought food for lunches and dinners, which saved much time, energy, and expense.

Students are not allowed to reveal the details of how we did what at the workshop, but I can tell you of my personal experience.   I am still processing that experience, but can tell you that it was successful in helping me connect with what I’m calling my Inner Child.

My local instructor primed me for the workshop by telling me I would need three qualities for the workshop:

• enough willpower to push past my comfort zone,
• courage to accept what I found buried in my subconscious,
• total commitment of focus and energy.

She warned me that it would be demanding, but I was not daunted. I am finally in a position to pursue who I really am so I can figure out what I came to this life to be and accomplish.

This SunDo practice they do is uncomfortably loud for my taste, has an element of public performance, which I also find irritating, and is very physical. (I like that part.) Perhaps the exaggerated energy level is why there seemed to be more men and young people than I expected for such an internally-focused event.

The physicality was a welcome and helpful transition into and recuperation from lectures and meditations—delightfully balanced pacing. We were given different topics to consider for each lecture/meditation period.

The first day we privately considered our views of ourselves and then were reminded that other people have different backgrounds and perspectives. We tend to forget “different strokes for different folks” and make inaccurate assumptions of how others see us and shared situations, causing us to sometimes react inappropriately.

Later in the day, we wound up with partners for the rest of the weekend. Partners helped each other process all the mental exercises and meditations. The Universe blessed me with a great match, Ray. We are about the same age, recently retired, with happy kids the same age, and feel blessed in our lives. We are both looking for new, deeper ways to contribute to society. (He also supported me in coping with my issues about the periodically over-the-top loud dramatics, bless him.)

The SunDo meditation recommends hands placed over either the second chakra (abdomen) or the fourth chakra (heart). For me, the heart-hands proved extremely powerful, and I will continue to use that in my own meditation practice. I wear a small quartz crystal necklace, which hovers over my heart. Perhaps the quartz really does help focus energies because this weekend’s meditations with hands over my heart and quartz crystal were unusually successful. I definitely felt a connection with another consciousness inside me, which feels like my Inner Child.

The whole group generated lists of nasty and nice things our inner voices say to us. Many of the negative ones sounded all too familiar to my wounded Inner Child. I was delighted to discover, however, that many of the nasty comments no longer hurt me.

For instance, my mother used to berate me for ingratitude. For years, I taxed my brain and could see no reason to be grateful; I only saw what I wanted and did not receive. (Sorry Mom! I apologized to her long ago!) But those comments kept me looking for gratitude, and I later saw the light, especially after I bore children of my own! Now I am so grateful for so much. Her harping on it helped me develop gratitude sooner.

From there we considered two aspects of consciousness, which we all have all the time in varying balance: the victim mode (react) or the master mode (respond). Again, I realized that I have made a LOT of progress through my life. As a malcontented child, I was almost always in the victim (woe is me; not my fault) mode. I am not so full of rants and excuses anymore, but I do have my moments (see posts on shoveling snow, for example). I have been taking ever more responsibility for my life all through adulthood. I know, however, that I still am tempted by expedience, such as letting more dominant persons have their way rather than risk rocking the proverbial boat.

Two miscellaneous other bits of wisdom really resonated with me:

• Willpower leads to Action which then leads to Creation; and
• Impossible can be seen as I’m Possible, with addition of Will.

Finally, the first day ended. I was exhausted and looking forward to shower, dinner, journaling, tai chi, and bed at a reasonable hour. But oh no! We got HOMEWORK, two short survey questionnaires and an autobiography on two pages! Really?!? I did get it all done, but went to bed at 2:30. So much for dreams of getting over my cold—I was so close!