What a wondrous day! The sky was gloriously blue, and the roads were mostly dry. I went to tai chi for the first time in 3 weeks, aah. How could the day improve?
As soon as I got onto the Peak to Peak Highway heading south, I saw the most amazing clouds. That’s saying a lot! I’ve always been fascinated by clouds, and they are often stunning here, in the margin between the Continental Divide and the Great Plains. Dad often rolled his eyes at my preoccupation with weather and clouds.
I did not have a camera today, unfortunately, so you will have to digest the proverbial “1,000 words” instead. Sorry.
Today’s clouds were very high and thin. There was a group of three mountain wave clouds–big, smooth stratus clouds–on a field of wind-ripple-mark cirrus clouds. The mountain wave clouds today were shaped like sideways teardrops. Superimpose the two types, and they formed feathery angel wings! Additionally, they were arranged between the sun and me. Sunlight shone through the ice crystals and gave the feathery angel wings a pastel halo of pink and green. Pink is one of my favorite colors, and I was wearing spring-green jeans.
HI DAD! THANKS, THE CLOUDS ARE AWESOME! I LOVE YOU, TOO!
The clouds soon lost their definition and I returned to watching the road before I drove off it. I had a gorgeous drive down the canyon; a not-bad drive on the highways to Denver; a physically and socially therapeutic tai chi class; a special lunch with my brothers; delightful drive along the Flatirons back to Boulder; and an unusually productive writing session at Panera (love that baroque music and good food).
Tonight was Dream Group. It was not my turn, so I won’t talk about the dreams. However, as luck would have it, we had an extra half hour. The four of us who did not present a dream selected a card from the Osho Zen Tarot. As always, each card resonated strongly with the person who chose it.
I selected the Page of Fire (the suit of actions), entitled “Playfulness.” This card’s message is to focus on the joys of life, forget the fears, and welcome the new phase of life that is about to begin. I felt such relief to pull that card! My father died a week ago, and I SHOULD be consumed with grief, right? But I am not.
Dad was released from his body. I was released from vigilance and the struggle to figure out what is happening now, what might happen next/soon, and how to deal with it. I am relieved, not grieved. I feel like I should feel guilty about that. The tarot card validated my overall cheerfulness. (So have many people, bless them! I have been grieving with Dad and my family for years already.)
Dear readers.
The last time I was able to visit with Ginny was last October, we spent a wonderful weekend with daughter, Elizabeth. Devin and his friend, Erica, joined us. I dislike traveling by air during the holiday rush, and by early January I was ready to again visit Ginny, and made reservations for early February. Is it karma that I was able to be with dad during his last days? Ginny writes about the absence of grief during dad’s passing, but we all had our moments of grief, and happiness that the course of living and dying has come to a close. I still am unsure of what happens to our spirit following physical death and I will not conjecture today. I am glad Ginny was able to spend the last one and half years with dad despite it putting our lives together on hold. This has allowed us both to not have any regrets, and at the same time reflect on our new paths to the future. I feel I was able to get to know dad much better during these past 5 years since his illness began, than the 35 preceding years. Sure, I wish I could have heard him play guitar and go on more walks together, but I understand his spirit and love of the Colorado mountains. The Caribou Open Space where his memorial bench will be set up will always be a special place for me to remember his love and connection with the Nederland community. Dad’s spirit and song will forever be heard in Caribou Open Space. Godspeed Dad.
Oh David, that is beautiful! No wonder I love you so much, your spirit and your heart! We will be back together soon, my Love,
Thanks for commenting davit! Lovely.